Personal // Beautifully One-Of-A-Kind

Beautiful Girl-

I wrote a letter to your sister on her 10th birthday, a letter that spilled thoughts from my heart- hopes for her future, words of truth to guide her way, and prayers from the depths of my soul. 

You may be the middle girl, sweet one, but you are not overlooked. 

So here's your aunt- albeit in slight disbelief- that I'm already here writing your 10th birthday letter, too. 

You are beautifully one-of-a-kind. 

You're not your sisters, nor do you ever have to be. Truly, there is no one else like you- and that is a glorious truth. You're not the bold one, not the little diva either. I see it in your eyes, hear it in your heartbeat- you have so many voices telling you who you need to be, but please believe me- 

There could never be a more beautiful you. 

God made no mistakes when He created you. He gave you your cautious soul, your servant's heart, your drive to always make others happy. He shaped and formed every inch of you, body and soul, with such intentional detail. 

I pray that no one ever distracts you from pursuing all God has created you to be. 

We went birthday shopping together this week, and as I stood in the dressing room hallway while you tried on summer dresses, my heart wanted to freeze this moment in time. You're so innocent, so lovely, so pure, spinning around to test the twirl factor and trying to find colors that bring out your complexion. My heart ached to shield you from all the harm and evil, all the ugliness and darkness in the world. From people's words and the lies of the enemy, from peer pressures and the world telling you what it wants you to do. 

Never lose your innocence, lovely one. 

You color your world in soft pastels, dancing on tippy toes and with a smile that lights up the room. The past year, I've watched you bloom in such a tender and lovely way. It's like your heart is finally spreading its wings, finally shining your own sunshine in between the large personalities of your sisters. 

Keep shining, precious one. 

On the way home from birthday shopping, I saw you in the backseat fervently reading your new Bible. You didn't even stir when I held my phone to take a picture, a small attempt to capture this moment. You wouldn't put it down, despite the fact you were growing carsick, and when I took it to put on Bible tabs, you told me you'd wait right there in the car until I finished. 

May you always seek after Him with such passion, such fervor, such dedication to let truth wash over your soul. 

You didn't notice, but your little sister saw you. She picked up her new Bible, too, and tried to follow along like you. And this, this is what I pray draws people to be around you- your love for God, your heart to do what's right.

You have influence. 

Don't be a follower of people, sweet girl, because others are watching. Follow after God with all your heart, all your strength. Stir up that quiet determination in your heart to stand your ground in what is true. May you always walk in truth, always walk in the light. May you always shine the love of Messiah in all that you do, all that you say. 

Admit your mistakes, ask for forgiveness, and go forward in the power of the Holy Spirit. 

So this is my prayer- that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and all discernment. That you would approve the things that are excellent, that you would be sincere and without offense until the day of Messiah. That you would be filled with the fruits of righteousness, found in Messiah, to the glory and praise of God. (Phil. 1:9-11)

Beautiful girl, as you take on this world in your own beautiful way, know this:

I'm always here for you. 

Always have a listening ear for you. Always praying for you. Always here to answer your texts and calls. 

Always loving you. 

So, my beautiful birthday girl- you keep coloring your world in all your glorious ways, in ways that shout praises to God for the way He created beautiful you. 

I love you, 

Sho 

xoxo

Singleness Series // Part Two // Life with Purpose

I have a sinking feeling that I'm going to step on some toes here- but I pray this is read how it was intended: sharing my heart after much prayer and with the longing to help other single women as they find their way in this season. Read on with a sincere and soft heart, yes?

Thanks. 

So, you're single.

What are you supposed to do?

With so many different opinions, demands, and theologies, it can get overwhelming and confusing. Who do you listen to, and what choices do you make?

Man's opinion does not rule- God's does. 

Go by Scriptural examples. Study out the character traits of the women of the Bible, and how they spent their lives. A common thread throughout them all is that God used them and wove their stories into the fabric of destiny bringing forth His plan of Salvation. As we read their stories- no matter how long or short their accounts were, we view their lives as making a difference. 

Yet I'm sure, in the middle of it, they couldn't tell what was so special about them. Couldn't feel the Divine plan or power. 

Nevertheless, God used them in extraordinary ways- and whether they knew His scheme for mankind or not, I can tell you the common thread that holds this cloth together:

They lived with purpose. 

These single years are not to waste your time by. They are not to be complained over, or spent idly. They are not to be spent working a 9-5 job with no reason other than the opportunity arose so you took it. They are not to be spent investing so much in yourself and a world that revolves around you that you are unable to invest in others. They are not to be spent wishing for a new season, or the next big thing, or planning your imaginary wedding. They are not to be spent pitying yourself because your life isn't like so-and-so, or fostering the pity of others. 

Life is so much more than that. 

These years are a gift given for a purpose by the Hand of God. Everything you touch, everything you plan, should be seen through Kingdom lenses. Once you view everything with purpose, with passion, with eyes for the Kingdom, there is little free time left because there's so many possibilities and not enough time. 

You have been given an incredible gift and opportunity. 

God has you here as a single woman because you are more effective for the Kingdom as such. He has you here, with the time you have, to reach out to others. He wants you to minister to the lost and the lonely, to pour into your friends and family. He wants you to serve and to sing, to rejoice in His love and to love others because of your love for Him. He wants you to give and to not take for granted the life He's given or to scorn the plan He has. 

Don't let this season slip on by. 

I understand, everyone's situation is different. But if you have a choice, choose the one that makes a difference for the Kingdom. Don't spend these years building your own kingdom, feeding your selfish desires. Don't spend these years with mindless schedules, running the American rat-race because you couldn't think of anything better to do. Don't rush through to get to the next season, numb to the beauty that is around you today. 

Make a difference- a true difference- with purpose and intention. 

I hope you take your younger friends out for coffee and listen to their dreams and heart. I hope you spend time laughing around the dinner table with your family and being connected to their lives. I hope you sit down and write letters to those who are lonely, and that you take a meal to your neighbor. I hope you nanny for a family in your congregation and that you pursue entrepreneurial endeavors that are in tune with your passions. I hope you lose yourself in prayer and studying Scripture for hours. I hope you meet the needs of others and work with eager hands. I hope you have eyes for the Kingdom and see opportunities everywhere. 

I hope you live fully alive- thriving and overflowing with the joy of the Lord. 

Make your choices with purpose, with passion. 

If this was your last year to be single- how would you spend it? 

Have no regrets- and may He say of you, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

The Prayer Journey // Prayer Journaling Made Simple

Part One // Part Two // Part Three 

I am so excited for today's post, because I love practical application and sharing different ideas! Prayer journaling has been something I've always struggled with. In years past, I've started several prayer notebooks, but I never kept up on them. They felt too...structured. Intimidating. At times, even discouraging.

It just wasn't me. 

I'm someone who likes to see results, and to list all my prayer requests in a row just seemed deflating. Not that God doesn't work, but it just felt like a list of wants- even if it was on behalf of other people.

It was more like a record book of what God did rather than a living relationship, a breathing communication. 

After many years of trial and error, I finally found a system that works for me- and today I'm going to get really practical, open, and share what my tools look like. If you've struggled with keeping prayer notebook before, I hope this will inspire you to try again until you find something that works for you! Once you find something that works for your specific personality, it's really not that hard. 

I encouraged you in my last post to look for a perfect notebook to make into your own prayer notebook. This, is mine:

I was gifted this faux leather journal and as soon as I felt its cover I knew I wanted to use it for prayers. Using scrapbook paper and washi tape, I sectioned it off into different categories- family, friends, nations, self, husband, plans, praise, etc. Within each category, I either copied out prayers that I really loved from Scripture/biographies, or I wrote out my own prayers (I talked about liturgy HERE). The prayers I wrote out were my own "liturgy"- things that I want to make sure I pray for, and points that act as a springboard to pray for more. For example, if I have a friend who is sick, I can turn to the prayer I wrote out specifically for sick friends. As I pray through the words I've written, different things will come to my mind, and I'll pause to pray those things as well. It causes me to become specific and bold in praying, instead of simply asking, "Lord, please heal this person".

In other words, my written prayers become my go-to battle plans. 

Side note: for any young woman who has struggled to be faithful in praying for her future husband- this is an amazing tool. Writing out a prayer with specific points helps keep your mind focused on the spiritual battle! 

Another side note: writing out prayers for yourself is so powerful and keeps you accountable! Listing character traits you need to work on and reading them on paper instead of thinking of them in your mind brings it to a whole different level. 

To summarize- I have someone specific in mind that I want to pray for. I go to whatever section that person would be under and use a prayer there that is fitting to the circumstance. As I pray these powerful, precise words, different thoughts will come to my head and I'll pause within the sentences to pray for these things as well. 

So, I have my prayer notebook, but it's more general prayers in the sense that I can put anyone's name in if that particular category/situation is appropriate. I don't have specific needs written out, other than I do have names of friends underneath some prayers in my friend category. But as far as praying for other people outside of my family, my prayer notebook usually isn't used for them. 

Thus, I have my photo prayer book. 

It's just a simple photo album, with photos of friends who I want to be faithful in praying for. On the back of each photo, I have narrow sticky notes with different prayer points for that particular family/friend. This way, I can add or subtract points as the situation changes, keeping everything neat and tidy. During my prayer time, I can either pray for that person as I flip through the pictures, or I can pull the card out and pray specific points. I can also draw out one card each day and commit to praying for that person all day. For me, pictures keep me much more involved rather than just a name across a page. Seeing their faces keeps me accountable in praying faithfully!

As much as I'd love a picture of everyone (that's pretty much a hint to flood my inbox with your pictures so I can pray for you- win-win, right?), there are people who I don't have their picture. For these people, I have an empty slot that I simply put in sticky note strips with that person's name and specific request. I can see them all at a glance, or I can pull them out one by one. 

See? Not hard at all. 

To recap, I use my prayer notebook for specific prayers/liturgy/soundboard praying, and I use my photo prayer book for friends/friends' prayer requests. 

Lastly, during my prayer time, I also write out my prayers in my personal journal. I've found that- again- my prayers are more focused if I write out my prayers instead of just praying them in my head.  As I listen to worship music, I will write out what's on my heart and what I'm facing or struggling with on paper in my personal journal. There's no separate journal for this to make it feel professional or stiff- it's just pouring my prayer in ink just like I would share about an experience I had or a lesson I learned. So, after I've used my prayer notebook and photo prayer book, if there's anything I want to talk to God about my week or feelings of my soul or needs for provision or life in general, I'll write out a prayer in my journal. These are really my heart-prayers, the ones where I ask for guidance for specific situations that I face that week. They're honest, vulnerable, down-to-earth. They're "right now" prayers, not necessarily ones I go back and pray again because they're very specific to my life at that particular moment. 

They're prayers communing with not just my Heavenly Father, not just my King- but my Best Friend. 

And truly, it's the same He wants from you, too. Don't let fear of prayer, or of fasting, or of liturgy, or of journaling keep you from seeking after Him with all that you are. It's okay to have trial and error, to figure out what works and what doesn't. But keep at it. Each step, no matter how wobbly, is one more closer to a more confident you who takes bold steps of faith even when they feel scary.

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I really hope this was able to inspire and encourage you- the Father longs to hear from you, and hopefully this will begin your own prayer journey deeper to the center of His heart! If you start a prayer journal (or already have one that works for you!) I would love to hear about it- drop me a comment and share your testimony! 

The Prayer Journey // The Beauty of Liturgy

// PART ONE // PART TWO //

If I'm honest, I'd tell you that liturgical prayers used to scare me. From past church experiences, they were looked upon as almost unholy to pray because it wasn't your own words from your heart. 

I wish I had learned the truth of the beauty of liturgy years ago. 

Instead of fumbling through trying to express what's on my heart, if I had understood the sweetness and simplicity of reading a prayer- and then making it my own- it would have taken my prayer journey farther, much more quickly. 

Don't let liturgy scare you like I allowed it to scare me. 

I shared here how part of the challenge my brother and I did was to pray for 30 minutes every morning. We used a prayer book to start off with and then closed with our own prayers for the day. Every morning I knew exactly what I would pray, what I would add. It was special knowing that although in our separate rooms, my brother and I were joining together in unity, praying for the same things. It wasn't a time of trying to fill the air with stumbling words- it was filled with words with precise purpose. 

And truly, who wants to come bumbling and mumbling before a King?

I also challenged you to go through Scripture, find prayers that were spoken by holy men and women, and to make those prayers your own. For example, taking Ephesians 3:14-21 and replacing "you" with the name of the person you're praying for. This, too, is "liturgy" in its own right- powerful, purposeful, precise. 

There is something beautiful and powerful in praying the prayers spoken by holy men and women of old.

Can you imagine if we all began praying prayers like this? If we started praying back Scripture, reminding God of His promises and praising Him for His faithfulness? 

What would happen if we weren't afraid to pray bold prayers? 

Maybe you're just starting out on this deeper prayer journey. Maybe the words come slow, or not at all. Or maybe you've always prayed but it's become a ritual that needs to be sparked into a holy flame again. Maybe you've always shied away from liturgy and didn't know where to start. 

It's okay to join in and pray bold prayers from saints gone before. 

It may just be the spark you need to set your prayer life into a brilliant blaze. 

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This week, be intentional to incorporate liturgy into your prayers. Pray back Scripture, use a prayer book- or even search Pinterest for prayer quotes from missionaries or Kingdom-minded authors. Also, be on the lookout for a perfect notebook to copy these prayers into one convenient place that's easy to use. I know prayer notebooks can seem intimidating and confusing- they always were for me!- so next week I'll share a glimpse into what I've found to work the best.

The Prayer Journey // Fasting in Hunger for More

// Read Part One HERE //

In the journey of prayer, what takes you from simply saying words, to engaging with your whole heart? What kindles the fire in your soul, a yearning for the Kingdom that won't be satisfied until you see the restoration? 

What changes a struggling five minute prayer into hours spent before the throne, not wanting your time interceding to come to an end? 

Last week, I shared how important dedication is. In anything, if you want to master something you have to be dedicated in learning and investing time to that skill. It's no different with prayer. We can all say how we want to become closer to God, but unless we do something it's not going to change overnight. 

You may want a thriving prayer life- but what are you going to do about it? 

Many people find themselves at this crossroad, some without even knowing it. I didn't know I was there myself, until a couple years ago a friend of ours challenged my younger brother to spending 90 days seeking God like he never had before. He suggested fasting from all media, getting rid of smart phones, purging books and music. For a family who has pretty high standards when it comes to media, it didn't seem like too hard of a challenge- until he also asked that my brother would fast once a week and spend at least 30 minutes praying every morning. 

30 minutes. 

I joined in simply because I wanted to support my brother on his journey deeper to the Father's heart. I had no personal motives other than to help him stay accountable- and I had no clue the impact it would have in my own life. 

Fasting was an incredibly difficult thing to do for me. If I don't eat, my blood sugar drops, I get lightheaded, and my reaction time slows considerably. And now here I was, about to fast every week for the next 90 days. The first few weeks were torture- I'd barely make it to 4pm before I would end up eating. I wanted to give up, but it's amazing having accountability. If my brother could do this, I could too. As each week went by, I learned when my body would need to have a sip of juice in order to keep going and at what times I needed to be in prayer in order to keep focused. 

It was a journey, crying out for more of God and less of me. 

But that was only the fasting part- prayer was an even bigger mountain to climb. 

During our weekly fast day, we were supposed to take 30-60 minutes to pray in the afternoon. I will never forget my first few weeks of fasting. I'd go into my room in the afternoon to pray, sit on my floor and not know where to start. I'd read Scripture, listen to worship music, and pray...and then look in horror to see that it had only been 15 minutes. I was frustrated at how time dragged by and how I just couldn't seem to keep my attention. 

Yet I was determined- I would learn to enter in. 

I tried many things and slowly found what worked best for me. I'd listen to worship music and let that begin to direct my prayers. I'd write my prayers out in my journal so that I'd stay focused on every word. I'd read Scripture and pray the verses back to Him, changing it to make it personal. Soon, 15 minutes stretched to 30 and then into 50. Eventually it wasn't a chore or something I didn't know what to do with. While before it seemed void of emotion, now I was overwhelmed with who God was and who I was not. I would cry before the Lord over the things I was facing that week that burdened me, I would cry in repentance and in longing of heart. I would laugh with joy as a lyric or a verse would come, almost in response to what I was praying about. And, at times I would just be still before Him- soaking in His presence without a word. 

I began to lose track of time. 

Instead of feeling like I had too much time to fill, I began to feel like I didn't have enough. Soon I'd hear the family call for dinner and feel like I'd barely had time to pray. It was more than a beautiful change, it was the blossoming of a rich and vibrant relationship with the Creator of the Universe in a way I had never experienced before. 

If you do something with all your strength, your heart and emotions will follow. 

Somehow the 90 days went from dragging by to being over in a second. My brother and I had found a treasure we didn't know was missing from our lives, and we decided to take it beyond the 90 days- and I haven't stopped since. Each week, my prayer and fasting day is the one I look forward to the most. My soul craves it just as much as it craves the sabbath. It's my day to quiet my soul before the Lord, to intercede for people I know, to seek guidance for my week. It's one thing to pray every day, but it's another to fast in total dedication to seeking the Father's will. 

Whenever people tell me how they want to develop a deeper prayer life, I always suggest this same challenge. Yes, it starts out hard. Yes, it takes work and dedication. 

But be prepared to go deeper into the heart of God like you never have before. 

A Letter // To The Ladies Who Bought My Coffee

To the ladies who bought my coffee today and gave me a flower- 

It seems like such a small thing to do, but it meant the world to me. 

You don't know anything about me. You didn't know that I just spent the past four hours in language class, staring at a computer screen until my back ached and my eyes strained. You didn't know how stressed I felt, feeling like I signed my days away for the next six weeks and not a clue how I'd fit in the multitude of other things I need to get done. You didn't know how my lungs ached to breathe without coughing after days with no apparent cause. You didn't know how I felt about today- humdrum and missing the disappearing holiday week, one that's supposed to be joyous and filled with light and hope. 

You didn't know anything about me- but it didn't stop you. 

One of you put your hand right over the scanner and didn't ask me- you told me- that today you're paying for my coffee. Your friend, holding a bouquet of red carnations, chose one from her diminishing bundle and handed one to me with a smile. 

You didn't know that the last time someone bought me flowers was almost a year ago next week.

It was just a single stem, but it felt like God's grace. I clutched it and smiled, fingers tracing the delicate unfolding petals. You didn't know that I always buy flowers for others, but never for myself. 

I gave you hugs because even though coffee and flowers seem so small and insignificant in the whole scheme of life, nothing could have been more significant today to bless my heart and soul. You only asked that in return, I would text someone to let them know I loved them. 

This is what love does. It goes to the stranger and crosses the bridge to make a friend. It sees the soul and touches it with encouragement. It reaches out when there's no reason to and no reward at all. 

It buys coffee and passes out flowers in a bustling coffee shop in my small downtown. 

From the bottom of my heart- thank you. Thank you for your smiles. Thank you for your joy. Thank you for buying my coffee. Thank you for choosing that flower from your bouquet with me in mind. Thank you for lighting up my day with a brilliant ray of sunshine, a most certain hug from God. Thank you for rekindling hope in my heart- that miracles occur even still today. Thank you for listening to the call, for being willing to give of your own time and money and resources to bless the life of complete strangers. 

Thank you. 

I put my flower in a vase and my mom put hers in there, too. I set it on my desk, overflowing with textbooks and laptop, pencils and notebooks. Because tomorrow, when I wake up and start the day with another round of lessons and a lengthly list to cram in around it of things to do, I need to see this as a reminder. 

God delights to give good things. 

Thank you for letting Him use you to remind me today. 

The Seclusion of Schedules // Being Intentional

It had been over two years since we'd last seen each other. 

We grew up together. We met back in first grade at a co-op, both shy and sharing secrets along with snacks. We trekked through nature walks and science projects and somehow survived gym. There's been moves and relocating for both our families. Graduations. Ministry projects. Growing and changing and sanctification. We'd send letters across the miles and still kept up our friendship. Lately, it's been harder. Jobs, classes, world-traveling...the letters got more scarce, but we always said, "We'll have to get together soon. Someday soon." 

It was always meant with sincere intentions. To spend time sharing hearts across the table instead of across a page or a text. What's a couple hour drive? Doable in a weekend, certainly. 

Yet someday never comes unless you put a date to it. 

While I was away on another world-traveling adventure last month, I'd get emails from her. "I keep thinking we need to get together when you get back," she'd say. Of course I agreed. I was always saying I'd come out to her end of town every time summer came around, but things always came up once it did. I determined that this time I'd make it happen- maybe I should try this fall and not wait for summer. Stop saying someday. 

I sent her a text a few weeks later to let her know I got back safely. "I'd love to get together- any ideas of what would work for you?" I ask. I imagine going back and forth with different dates and times, trying to find an option that would work best for both of us- and I dreaded it.

Sometimes the scheduling wrings us so dry that we can't even enjoy the company. It seems so impersonal, so unfeeling. Shuffling around things trying to fit someone in around the other million things you need to do. 

Something is wrong when we start to schedule people in like we do doctors' appointments. When we let our crazy thrust of productivity dictate the amount of time we spend pouring into others without a deadline. 

But her response surprised me. 

"This Monday at 10:30- we can meet in the middle."

Just like that. She made it a priority. There was no hemming and hawing, no trying to pick out the perfect date or location. We didn't have any Pinterest plans or fancy outfits. We even didn't have a perfect time schedule- we both had to leave by 1 for previously scheduled engagements we had. I drove my mud-covered car with less than a half tank of gas and a lip and chin still hot with hives from an allergic reaction that morning. 

We both showed up- imperfections and all. 

We spent the two hours we had catching up on life- what we've been doing, what God's been teaching us. We hashed out hope and faith and the power of the Holy Spirit. We came to the unanimous consensus that no matter what any author says, it will always be complicated dealing with guy friends. We shared quotes and Scriptures and laughed with excitement when we realized we'd both seen the same YouTube video. We encouraged each other and we both knew we weren't alone on this journey.

When we step back from our schedules, we realize we're not in seclusion. 

The time went by quickly, and with empty bowls on the table we realized it was time to go. As we got up to leave, we gave each other a hug and I whispered in her ear- 

Thank you. 

Thank you for being intentional. For surprising me with lunch. For remembering to take a picture. For listening and for sharing and for being open and beautiful. 

Thank you for taking the time for me. 

I walked away feeling so special and cared for, but more than that, I walked away so challenged to be intentional. 

I'm a dreamer and a visionary. I think of big fancy plans and want to throw the perfect outing and get-together. 

Yet sometimes that hinders me from just grabbing an average cup of coffee for two hours with a not-so-average girl spur-of-the-moment on a Thursday afternoon.

I hate that. I hate that fear of imperfection keeps me from reaching beyond the seclusion of my schedule. I hate that I put things off until it'll be perfect; that I put it off until I think I can craft an atmosphere that will bless people the most...when really all we want is just to be heard and encouraged- biscotti, background music, or not. 

I have another friend I haven't seen in over two years. Now that I've moved, she practically lives down the street from me. We keep saying we'll get together. There really are no excuses other than the elusive someday.

So tonight I map out the middle for both of us, send her an email and give two dates. This week. Not something five months out in advance. I want her to know that I make time for her now, that she's important. 

That's she's far worth the sacrifice of my measly schedule. 

Perfection ruins intentionality. 

I refuse to ruin opportunities anymore. 

The Best of Grace

I could blame it on a post-wedding slump, but this week has been heavy. 

Heavy, trying to navigate a new normal with someone missing. From dancing at your brother's wedding on a joy high to the quiet silence between empty walls. 

I've felt sluggish and altogether not at the top of my game. I've forgotten things on my to-do list, took wrong turns more than once in an attempt to navigate new roads, and burned bread in the oven. I've pardoned lousy workouts at the gym with "A bad workout is better than no workout" as if it was all the validation I needed.

I could blame it on the slump, blame it on an aching body, blame it on my overwhelmed mind, blame it on exercised-induced asthma so bad that I'm constantly coughing stuff up on the treadmill in an attempt to breathe. I can make legitimate excuses for mediocre. I can reason out an explanation for taking things easy and not pushing as hard as I can. 

Yet, I'll never be able to explain away the act of trampling grace. 

To do things half-heartedly and blame the less-than-best results on other issues is using grace as a trampoline net. Grace is not something to take advantage of- just because you know it will catch you doesn't mean you're to jump on into it anytime you'd like. It's a truth that goes beyond the gym, beyond my half-attempted workouts this week, to every area of my life. 

Grace is there when I truly make a mistake while I'm doing my best attempt. 

It's not my excuse to slip into a lazy schedule or take time out from my priorities that need my attention. It's not my excuse to run half of my miles just because I'm feeling tired that morning and don't feel the enthusiasm. It's not my excuse to have my head in the clouds and let everything else chaotically slip on by because I'm overwhelmed. 

It takes discipline. 

Discipline to run as fast and far as I can, even if I'm the only one constantly clearing my throat in a crowded gym. Discipline to be alert and quick. Discipline to get things done efficiently. 

If I'm disciplined, and I make a mistake? If even after running as fast and far as I can, I'm still short of my goal?

I'll take grace then. 

But not until I've done my best. 

Here's to throwing excuses out the window and giving it all I've got this week.

Free and Full // Finding Intentional Moments

Math was never my subject.

There's no scope for the imagination, as Anne Shirley would say, in the realm of mathematics. Everything exact, precise, no room for error. You can't just throw numbers in and out and expect the same result. It's structured, ordered, and refuses to bend the rules.

So, it gets slightly depressing and rather overwhelming when you try to nail down how many hours you have in a lifetime. It may be upwards over 657,000 hours, yet time never stands still. It's always draining, always fleeting, always growing shorter.

You can calculate the math all you want- but you still have a life to live, and each moment is one you'll never get back.

I want to live it extravagantly. Not to waste a single moment, to do it big and with a bang of praise to Him. To live it free and full- free of fear, full of His glory.

Yet, in order to do so, I have to take control of the ticking clock before it takes hold of me. Before just checking my email turns into checking blogs, before searching for one recipe turns into researching something entirely different. Before one quick text to ask a question becomes one long conversation that keeps me from the task I'm in the middle of.

Before I waste my moments doing everything, or doing nothing.

I need to make my moments intentional.

And yet, in the middle of taking time for everyone else, I need to take time for myself. To feed my soul so that I can in turn pour it out.

Last week we had an unofficial family gathering, all piled into my aunt's living room sharing old memories with a long-lost relative. My cousin got up and left the room while we were all settling in, and returned moments later with a medium-sized zippered pouch. I leaned over the arm of my end of the couch to watch as she pulled out an embroidery project, and the creative in me became memorized in utter delight. I watched her open a small box of brilliantly colored floss, carefully choosing the shades she wanted. Her zippered pouch contained additional scraps of fabric, bold and beautiful, just waiting to be crafted into whatever her soul desired. My fingers itched to trace each pattern as she showed me different pieces she was working on, and as she did so I realized how much I needed to do this, too- and I'm on a hunt for that perfect zippered pouch to call my own. 

In the middle of sharing stories and listening to each other, she busied her hands to take care of herself, too. To do what she loved, to share what she loved.

She took hold of her moments.

It was only a scattered few- we all had to pile into cars but ten minutes later in order to make it to the restaurant on time- but she didn't let them go to waste. She took care of herself even while taking care of others. Doing what she loved, it opened her heart to give more love.

While I so often am pouring myself out, serving in whatever capacity I can, it can feel so selfish at times to just make time for myself. Yet Yeshua- He left and spent His morning hours alone with the Father. He poured into His own soul before He poured into others. 

It's not selfish if taking a moment for yourself means giving someone a better hour of service later.

So in those few moments that are "mine"- my mornings and evenings- I become intentional in pouring into my own soul in order to be overflowing in service to those around me. In the mornings I pray, praise, and read Scripture. I take the time to read that book, blog post, or magazine article that has been sitting on my desk or browser for the past week, those words that I know will speak life to my heart and encourage me to be all who God has called me to be. In the evenings, I make the time to paint, to draw, to scribble ink on pages and let my heart bleed out. I stitch and weave stories and scraps of fabric alike. I take the time to reflect on all God has done that day, all the ways I must thank Him for His goodness shining through. I take time to develop these giftings He's graciously given to me, to improve them and use them for His glory and to bless those around me.

I take time to breathe. 

It's space my soul needs. 

It's exhaling into the grace of God.