Dear Girl // Feeling Like a Failure

To the Girl who feels like a Failure-

I am so sorry. So sorry that you feel like you can't juggle life and work and play and keep up with everyone you need to. So sorry you feel used and drained and like you never give enough.

But let me tell you- you are enough. 

You are not your status quo. You are not other people's expectations, or even your own. You are a real, beautiful, wonderful girl living a real, beautiful, wonderful life that sometimes gets chaotic and messy and painful. And that's okay- life is messy. 

If your friends can't understand that, it's okay too. 

Friendships are always evolving as different seasons come around. They're not always going to look the same way as they did when you were 16. Friendship is a beautiful balance of give-and-take, a constant display of grace and forgivingness and unconditional love. They aren't created to be guilt traps, but rather safe places to encourage your soul. 

So when the seasons change, Girl, don't let it get you down. There is no shame in living your life and only being able to send out one text a week instead of twenty, no shame in making a 15 minute phone call where in years past it may have been an hour and a half. 

You're still connecting. Still reaching out. Still investing in your friends.

Take it in stride, girl. Be confident in who you are, and don't feel shamed about the life God has given you. You do your work to the best of your ability, and when you have that extra minute, use it to spill encouragement over to your friends. 

And if that extra minute doesn't come, it does not mean you're a failure. 

Maybe you're like me, Girl. Maybe you're in the middle of classes and swimming in information overload, with whacky schedules and trying to fit everything into your week. 

If you are, I hope you have friends like mine. 

I felt like a failure, too, trying to keep up with all I was learning and all I had to do and I didn't have time for much extra. I'm sure it offended some friends that I wasn't able to respond to texts, wasn't able to pick up the phone and catch up. 

But there were other friends who showed up- in glorious, unconditional ways. 

They sent me letters- long letters, encouraging letters, letters that never said "I hope I hear from you soon" or "I hope things slow down for you". They were letters that had no expectations, no strings attached. They were letters that said, "I'm thinking of you and praying for you, and I want you to know I understand." They were letters that said, "You can do this!"  They sent me texts knowing full well that I may not be able to respond until two days later, but they never let the time lapse put a question on our friendship. They prayed for me and understood- because these busy seasons don't last forever, and they weren't going to go anywhere in the meantime. 

Those friends, Girl- those friends are treasures. 

You are an amazing person, an amazing friend. Don't let pressure of expectations force you to pull away and hide. You have a beautiful heart to offer, encouraging words to share. Don't let past words pull you down or make you feel like you can't measure up to what others expect of you. 

You shine, Girl. You go out there and shine. 

Be that unconditional friend, that one who gives grace. The one who sends the "I'm thinking of you and wanted you to know that I care" texts, and if that person doesn't respond right away- give the benefit of the doubt. Life happens to everyone, but it doesn't mean that they don't care about you anymore. Be faithful, Girl, and just keep loving- loving others, and loving yourself. 

Give both your friends- and yourself- some grace. 

You both are awesome, with your own unique quirks and personalities and schedules. You may be different- different seasons, different schedules, different emotions- but that is not a bad thing:

That's what makes friendships beautiful. 

The Prayer Journey // Fasting in Hunger for More

// Read Part One HERE //

In the journey of prayer, what takes you from simply saying words, to engaging with your whole heart? What kindles the fire in your soul, a yearning for the Kingdom that won't be satisfied until you see the restoration? 

What changes a struggling five minute prayer into hours spent before the throne, not wanting your time interceding to come to an end? 

Last week, I shared how important dedication is. In anything, if you want to master something you have to be dedicated in learning and investing time to that skill. It's no different with prayer. We can all say how we want to become closer to God, but unless we do something it's not going to change overnight. 

You may want a thriving prayer life- but what are you going to do about it? 

Many people find themselves at this crossroad, some without even knowing it. I didn't know I was there myself, until a couple years ago a friend of ours challenged my younger brother to spending 90 days seeking God like he never had before. He suggested fasting from all media, getting rid of smart phones, purging books and music. For a family who has pretty high standards when it comes to media, it didn't seem like too hard of a challenge- until he also asked that my brother would fast once a week and spend at least 30 minutes praying every morning. 

30 minutes. 

I joined in simply because I wanted to support my brother on his journey deeper to the Father's heart. I had no personal motives other than to help him stay accountable- and I had no clue the impact it would have in my own life. 

Fasting was an incredibly difficult thing to do for me. If I don't eat, my blood sugar drops, I get lightheaded, and my reaction time slows considerably. And now here I was, about to fast every week for the next 90 days. The first few weeks were torture- I'd barely make it to 4pm before I would end up eating. I wanted to give up, but it's amazing having accountability. If my brother could do this, I could too. As each week went by, I learned when my body would need to have a sip of juice in order to keep going and at what times I needed to be in prayer in order to keep focused. 

It was a journey, crying out for more of God and less of me. 

But that was only the fasting part- prayer was an even bigger mountain to climb. 

During our weekly fast day, we were supposed to take 30-60 minutes to pray in the afternoon. I will never forget my first few weeks of fasting. I'd go into my room in the afternoon to pray, sit on my floor and not know where to start. I'd read Scripture, listen to worship music, and pray...and then look in horror to see that it had only been 15 minutes. I was frustrated at how time dragged by and how I just couldn't seem to keep my attention. 

Yet I was determined- I would learn to enter in. 

I tried many things and slowly found what worked best for me. I'd listen to worship music and let that begin to direct my prayers. I'd write my prayers out in my journal so that I'd stay focused on every word. I'd read Scripture and pray the verses back to Him, changing it to make it personal. Soon, 15 minutes stretched to 30 and then into 50. Eventually it wasn't a chore or something I didn't know what to do with. While before it seemed void of emotion, now I was overwhelmed with who God was and who I was not. I would cry before the Lord over the things I was facing that week that burdened me, I would cry in repentance and in longing of heart. I would laugh with joy as a lyric or a verse would come, almost in response to what I was praying about. And, at times I would just be still before Him- soaking in His presence without a word. 

I began to lose track of time. 

Instead of feeling like I had too much time to fill, I began to feel like I didn't have enough. Soon I'd hear the family call for dinner and feel like I'd barely had time to pray. It was more than a beautiful change, it was the blossoming of a rich and vibrant relationship with the Creator of the Universe in a way I had never experienced before. 

If you do something with all your strength, your heart and emotions will follow. 

Somehow the 90 days went from dragging by to being over in a second. My brother and I had found a treasure we didn't know was missing from our lives, and we decided to take it beyond the 90 days- and I haven't stopped since. Each week, my prayer and fasting day is the one I look forward to the most. My soul craves it just as much as it craves the sabbath. It's my day to quiet my soul before the Lord, to intercede for people I know, to seek guidance for my week. It's one thing to pray every day, but it's another to fast in total dedication to seeking the Father's will. 

Whenever people tell me how they want to develop a deeper prayer life, I always suggest this same challenge. Yes, it starts out hard. Yes, it takes work and dedication. 

But be prepared to go deeper into the heart of God like you never have before. 

The Prayer Journey // A New Perspective

I feel so vulnerable writing this, inviting you into a part of my life I cherish so dearly. However, I've been asked so often about how I pray- specifically, my "prayer day"- that I thought I'd write a series of posts in hopes that it may inspire you and challenge you to take initiative in being intentional in drawing near to God through prayer.  

This isn't a formula, a guideline, or something you need to strictly adhere to. This is just my life, and what I do. It's not perfect, and please don't feel the need to imitate what I do. Glean ideas and apply them to how it can work for your life. Make it yours, however it works for you.

Before I get into any practicalities, I want to start this first post by clearing up a few misconceptions people have about prayer:

Prayer is not about getting what you want, immediately when you want it.

In our self-centered worlds today, we forget that the world does not revolve around us. It's not about getting things we want, or having God act the way we want Him to. 

I must decrease, He must increase. 

Prayer is not about aligning God's will to ours, but rather asking for our will to be aligned to His. When we have the proper perspective, we open the chambers of Heaven and are able to come into the presence of the King with hearts that are truly open to seeking His will. It's not about things, not about situations- it's about communing with the King of the Universe in a holy, precious, and set-apart way. 

Think of how our prayers would look like in a family setting. What parents want a child who only comes to them when that child wants something? Although those parents are happy to meet that child's needs, they want to hear from that child more than that. They want to hear the child's heart, to know what's going on in his/her life, what he/she is struggling with and what makes his/her heart rejoice. The parents want to be known as more than just "provider"- they want to build a relationship into every area of that child's life. 

Wouldn't the Creator of the Universe, the Father of All, want the same? 

For many people, prayer can seem like an empty ritual that they can't seem to enter into. They hear about how beautiful it can be, how powerful it is, yet they can't seem to engage in it themselves. It feels awkward and void of emotion. For many years, prayer seemed that way to me as well. It wasn't until someone challenged my brother to take prayer to the next level, regardless of what you feel like, that I began to truly enter into prayer in a way I never had before. 

If you want something glorious, it all takes discipline. 

Saints aren't born in seconds, and you don't become an olympic medalist by running your first race. In the same way, prayer warriors aren't formed after just one attempt. It takes discipline, faith, perseverance. Just like in any relationship, you don't become close to someone by only spending five minutes with them once a week. 

Prayer is an invitation to a beautiful journey into the heart of God. 

Instead of viewing prayer as something you know you should do, choose to see it as an invitation. A privilege. A great and holy honor. 

When you begin to see things that way, your self-centered world begins to shift as you realize it's not about us. 

It's all about Him. 

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Pssst.... Just because I'm someone who really loves practical application, I didn't want to end this post without a little personal challenge to you. Do a word search on the word "prayer" and "pray" in Scripture, just to give you some Biblical context and inspiration as you head into this new journey. Write down some of the prayers you find, make them personal, and use them yourself! It's great to read biographies of other Believers who had strong prayer lives, but it's a beautiful thing to find the prayer warriors in Scripture as well!